There are many reasons why people shy away from putting themselves out there. It is often more of an issue for a certain type of individual.
But you knew that already, right?
Let’s see. Read the following list and see how many of these statements below you agree with.
- I do great work (better than that person) so they would surely recognise it
- I do my best but it’s never perfect
- I’m not going to share any of this until I have it all figured out
- I know people will say (bad) stuff about me when I show up as an expert
- I don’t know well enough about anything really
These are just some of the statements I hear when I have conversations with people. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t come from a place of judgement here as I write this because most of those self-defeating statements were uttered by me at some point in the past.
Typically, highly conscientious types of people tend to strongly agree with all of the above. Well, I’m one of those people. When I say conscientious, I use the definition used by personality assessors – psychologists.
People like us tend to be:
- Achievement striving
- Cautious
- Dutiful
- Orderly
- Self-disciplined
- Self-efficient
These are all great qualities. And those qualities also come paired with their opposite qualities, of course. I often explain that our superpower also comes with Kryptonite as part of the package.
High conscientiousness comes with a heavy dose of inner-self focus. And when we have that in an unbalanced state, it is not easy to put oneself out there. I know this all too well because I was once there and I catch myself defaulting to my comfy inner space from time to time, even to this day.
You may ask how I’ve overcome it all? The starting point is always acceptance and seeing our tendency for what it is – Tendency.
It’s not necessary to change who we are. The key is to learn and accept that we all have these tendencies and to infuse enjoyment into the exploration of our opposite tendencies.
In my case, that came as putting my hand up to share my ideas and volunteering for something difficult at work. Later when I started my own business, it came as saying yes to being a speaker at an event.
Of course, you may have other reasons for not wanting to put yourself out there. What I shared here today is just one of the patterns I’ve noticed over the years.
What are the things you would need to do while mindfully infusing some joy into it at the same time? That might be the answer to your ‘putting yourself out there’ conundrum.
